At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
