HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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