hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
