Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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