u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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