i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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