Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
