morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
