He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
