Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
