It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
