Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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