Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
