spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
