just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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