i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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