brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
