drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
