Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
