Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
