Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dick very happy bro
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
