with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
