That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
