since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
