I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
