I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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