Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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