she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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