When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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