Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
