Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
