shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
