just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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