I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
