I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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