did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
