Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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