I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
