Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
