i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
