the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
