I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
