Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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