you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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