i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
