people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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