i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
