Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
