it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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