mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
