I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
