I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
