Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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